They f'd up 11 days since Microsoft f'd up

The Big Chart

Every incident on the timeline. The lines are real. The dots deserve an audit.

Weeks · last 3 years Months · since 2009 Years · the whole story
dots along the bottom are incidents · hover for the headline, click to open
0 25 50 75 100% 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023 2024 2025 2026 4.5% 1.0% $525 $30 76.4% 95.0% INCIDENTS 1.2 The cloud's fine print, demonstrated live on 800,000 phones (2009, 1.2 Vistas) 2.0 Kin: a billion dollars of social phone, killed in 48 days (2010, 2 Vistas) 0.5 Windows Phone's first update updated some phones into bricks (2011, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 Microsoft Security Essentials protected you from Google Chrome (2011, 0.4 Vistas) 0.3 The brown Zune deserved better and got a graveyard (2012, 0.3 Vistas) 0.8 Windows Phone 7: the app gap was survivable; the guillotine wasn't (2012, 0.8 Vistas) 0.9 The Start menu went to the farm upstate (2012, 0.9 Vistas) 0.4 Office 2013: one license, one PC, one house fire, no transfers (2013, 0.4 Vistas) 0.5 MSN Messenger: 330 million users, one migration notice, gone (2013, 0.5 Vistas) 0.9 Xbox One: a console that assumed the internet never sleeps (2013, 0.9 Vistas) 2.2 Surface RT: the tablet that needed a $900 million coupon (2013, 2.2 Vistas) 0.8 Games for Windows Live: dead, then alive, then left to rot (2013, 0.8 Vistas) 0.3 TechNet: retired the day legitimate labs got harder than piracy (2013, 0.3 Vistas) 0.8 The free Surface RT update that cost some owners their tablet (2013, 0.8 Vistas) 1.4 Nokia: $7.2 billion in, $7.6 billion written off, fourteen months later (2015, 1.4 Vistas) 0.3 Media Center users asked for an update and received a funeral (2015, 0.3 Vistas) 0.5 Windows 10 shipped listening, on the honor system (2015, 0.5 Vistas) 0.6 Lionhead: cancel the game, close the studio, keep the name (2016, 0.6 Vistas) 0.6 The free upgrade where clicking X meant "yes" (2016, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 Tay: sixteen hours from launch to Nazi, a new onboarding record (2016, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 The Anniversary Update celebrated by freezing everything (2016, 0.5 Vistas) 0.6 Microsoft Band: sold through, no Band 3, blink and it's gone (2016, 0.6 Vistas) 0.1 Microsoft tried to retire Paint; the internet RSVP'd for the funeral (2017, 0.1 Vistas) 0.6 Groove: the third name for the same music store, and the last (2017, 0.6 Vistas) 1.2 Windows 10 Mobile: pronounced dead by tweet on a Sunday night (2017, 1.2 Vistas) 0.9 Microsoft patched a chip flaw and bricked the computer around it (2018, 0.9 Vistas) 1.0 The update that deleted your files, then asked for feedback (2018, 1 Vistas) 0.3 Windows 10 Pro downgraded itself to Home, opinions not requested (2018, 0.3 Vistas) 0.5 Microsoft spent four years building a browser engine, then adopted Google's (2018, 0.5 Vistas) 0.2 Microsoft Access updates itself into refusing its own databases (2018, 0.2 Vistas) 1.0 Windows 7 retired with a full-screen goodbye you had to click through (2020, 1 Vistas) 0.5 Teams went down because nobody renewed a certificate (2020, 0.5 Vistas) 0.6 The update that reset your desktop and hid your files (2020, 0.6 Vistas) 0.4 Shipped Tuesday, pulled Friday (2020, 0.4 Vistas) 0.6 Lockdown day one: Teams took the day off too (2020, 0.6 Vistas) 0.2 Your audio driver and Windows 2004 needed some time apart (2020, 0.2 Vistas) 0.5 The new Edge arrived uninvited, by design (2020, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 June 2020: the printers stopped printing (2020, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 Mixer: signed the biggest streamer on Earth, turned off the lights ten months later (2020, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 Free Teams with your Office. Very free. Extremely bundled. (2020, 0.4 Vistas) 0.8 The $200 smart speaker that became a $200 Bluetooth speaker (2020, 0.8 Vistas) 0.6 The Series X launched without the one game it was for (2020, 0.6 Vistas) 0.3 Preorder day chaos, and the wrong console charted at 747 percent (2020, 0.3 Vistas) 0.8 The identity service forgot who anyone was (2020, 0.8 Vistas) 0.8 The upgrade tool that only offered to delete everything (2020, 0.8 Vistas) 0.3 The 24-hour price hike: a masterclass in market research (2021, 0.3 Vistas) 1.5 ProxyLogon: the Exchange hack that needed the FBI to clean up (2021, 1.5 Vistas) 0.7 Printing? Congratulations, you've won a bluescreen (2021, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 A Monday evening when every Microsoft login said no (2021, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 Cortana's phone apps: assistant arrives late, leaves early (2021, 0.4 Vistas) 0.4 The patch that made your GPU forget why it was hired (2021, 0.4 Vistas) 0.5 Windows 10X: two years of previews, zero releases (2021, 0.5 Vistas) 0.7 2021: the year Windows and printers stopped speaking (2021, 0.7 Vistas) 0.6 Your perfectly good PC is now perfectly obsolete, says Microsoft (2021, 0.6 Vistas) 1.0 PrintNightmare: the bug Microsoft had already declared fixed, twice (2021, 1 Vistas) 0.3 Windows 365 sold out of computers it does not physically have (2021, 0.3 Vistas) 0.9 Windows 11's taskbar: new paint, missing features (2021, 0.9 Vistas) 0.4 Another Monday, another everything-offline evening (2021, 0.4 Vistas) 0.5 Halo Infinite launched without a preload, downloads took the day (2021, 0.5 Vistas) 0.9 Y2K22: Exchange met the new year and stopped understanding dates (2022, 0.9 Vistas) 0.6 One Patch Tuesday, every VPN connection gone (2022, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 Windows 11 Pro: no account, no internet, no operating system (2022, 0.5 Vistas) 0.3 Internet Explorer is retired; the web sends its regards (2022, 0.3 Vistas) 0.4 A broken connection to a storage service broke everything connected to it (2022, 0.4 Vistas) 0.4 Outlook mobile: disable one feature, receive ads as thanks (2022, 0.4 Vistas) 0.7 Halo broke its "split screen forever" promise from 2017 (2022, 0.7 Vistas) 0.6 Windows 11 22H2 launched by making games worse, twice (2022, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 SwiftKey left the App Store and sneaked back seven weeks later (2022, 0.5 Vistas) 1.2 ProxyNotShell: actively exploited, patched six weeks later (2022, 1.2 Vistas) 0.3 First party Xbox games join the $70 club (2022, 0.3 Vistas) 0.5 One router, one command, one global afternoon of silence (2023, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 Bing's chatbot fell in love with a journalist and got its phone privileges revoked (2023, 0.5 Vistas) 0.7 The crop tool kept the parts you cropped out (2023, 0.7 Vistas) 0.4 Edge really wanted Bing to know where you had been (2023, 0.4 Vistas) 0.7 A hacktivist group found Microsoft's door unlocked, repeatedly (2023, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 Xbox kept the kids' data, consent optional (2023, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 The first Game Pass price hike, served with a console increase (2023, 0.4 Vistas) 1.3 China read the State Department's email with a key Microsoft lost in a crash dump (2023, 1.3 Vistas) 0.3 Cortana: first they killed the phone apps, then the desktop, then the name (2023, 0.3 Vistas) 0.5 The Xbox 360 store: nearly two decades of purchases, one closing sale (2023, 0.5 Vistas) 0.6 Your processor is unsupported now, says the update that broke your PC (2023, 0.6 Vistas) 0.1 WordPad outlived Clippy, but not the roadmap (2023, 0.1 Vistas) 0.3 MSN's AI obituary: "Brandon Hunter useless at 42" (2023, 0.3 Vistas) 0.5 The AI poll: was it murder, accident or suicide? Vote now (2023, 0.5 Vistas) 0.3 Congratulations on your new HP Smart app, whoever you are (2023, 0.3 Vistas) 0.3 Microsoft Rewards quietly learned to pay out half (2023, 0.3 Vistas) 0.9 Windows Mixed Reality: headsets welcome until the OS they need stops existing (2023, 0.9 Vistas) 0.3 The Copilot key: a dedicated button for the thing you keep closing (2024, 0.3 Vistas) 1.3 Russian spies got into Microsoft's exec mail with one weak password (2024, 1.3 Vistas) 0.4 The $69 billion acquisition, followed by the $ layoffs (2024, 0.4 Vistas) 0.5 2024 opened with a full week of Microsoft being unreachable (2024, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 Xbox held an emergency podcast to announce that everything is fine (2024, 0.4 Vistas) 0.3 Copilot declared itself your superior and master, requested worship (2024, 0.3 Vistas) 0.7 Windows 11's flagship "run Android apps" feature got three and a half years (2024, 0.7 Vistas) 0.4 Windows itself started begging you to use Bing (2024, 0.4 Vistas) 0.6 Close the award winning studio, keep the IP. It is tradition. (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.6 Windows now screenshots everything you do. For you. Definitely for you. (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.2 Your Start menu now sells you products you already own (2024, 0.2 Vistas) 0.4 The new Teams is the old Teams the way new Outlook is Outlook (2024, 0.4 Vistas) 0.7 Patch Tuesday locked people out of their own PCs, 48 digits at a time (2024, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 Game Pass 2024: pay more, and the new tier skips day-one games (2024, 0.5 Vistas) 0.6 Azure took a routine update and fell down a well (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.7 The DDoS defense joined the attack (2024, 0.7 Vistas) 0.8 Microsoft spent two years on a patch that locked Linux users out of their PCs (2024, 0.8 Vistas) 0.7 Windows 11 24H2: the update that spent months protecting users from itself (2024, 0.7 Vistas) 0.6 HoloLens 2 discontinued so quietly journalists had to confirm it (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.7 The $1,500 Surface Duo got one upgrade and a pat on the head (2024, 0.7 Vistas) 0.6 Flight Simulator 2024: the plane was fine, the runway was missing (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 The Thanksgiving eve outage that rerouted users thousands of miles (2024, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 The holiday cloud gaming queue: three hours to maybe play (2024, 0.4 Vistas) 0.6 Australia paid 45 percent more for Office, sued, and won refunds (2024, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 The AI is mandatory now, and so is the $3 (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 The February update made File Explorer think about it (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 0.5 Notepad, free since 1985, grew a subscription (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 0.7 Skype outlived its rivals, its reputation and, finally, Microsoft's patience (2025, 0.7 Vistas) 0.7 "An operating system wasn't found", said the operating system's update (2025, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 May 2025: the Series X learns what $599.99 feels like (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 0.7 May's update wouldn't let some PCs start, so June had to fix it (2025, 0.7 Vistas) 0.3 The new Outlook is webmail wearing your grandfather's coat (2025, 0.3 Vistas) 0.6 Perfect Dark canceled, The Initiative closed, in the year of the handheld (2025, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 Teams went down first, so nobody could complain about Outlook going down (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 0.9 The update that killed SSDs, and Microsoft's fix was to ask around (2025, 0.9 Vistas) 0.4 September: the other shoe, $150 total in five months (2025, 0.4 Vistas) 0.7 Game Pass Ultimate up fifty percent overnight, cut back within a year (2025, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 Windows 11 25H2 shipped the day after Windows 10 died, bugs included (2025, 0.5 Vistas) 1.0 Windows 10 is done. The ransom note is $30. (2025, 1 Vistas) 1.1 One config change took down Xbox, Starbucks, Costco and an airline (2025, 1.1 Vistas) 0.7 The $30 lifeboat shipped with a hole in it (2025, 0.7 Vistas) 0.6 2026's first Patch Tuesday broke shutdowns, logins and Outlook at once (2026, 0.6 Vistas) 0.4 February's update refused to install and took drivers with it (2026, 0.4 Vistas) 0.6 The update that logged you out of everything, then blamed the internet (2026, 0.6 Vistas) 0.6 April's update broke the backup software, guarding your files from being saved (2026, 0.6 Vistas) 0.7 Day-one Call of Duty leaves the subscription sold on day-one games (2026, 0.7 Vistas) 0.5 Ten hours of "too many requests" for people who just wanted their email (2026, 0.5 Vistas) 0.4 May's update failed on machines with full disks, by design (2026, 0.4 Vistas) 0.2 The Recycle Bin forgot your file names, everywhere, at once (2026, 0.2 Vistas) 0.8 2026: the discless Series X costs $749.99 now, memory is expensive (2026, 0.8 Vistas) 0.4 July's patch overheated Dells until an emergency fix arrived (2026, 0.4 Vistas) 0.6 A maintenance window removed the network from the network (2026, 0.6 Vistas) 1.5 The outage that proved you don't own your disc games either (2026, 1.5 Vistas) 0.6 GitHub spent a Monday being a very expensive read-only museum (2026, 0.6 Vistas) 0.5 The September Office update quietly broke copy and paste in Excel (2026, 0.5 Vistas) 0.3 Apps you never asked for will now die on a schedule (2026, 0.3 Vistas) 0.9 The "optional" update that un-licensed the Office you paid for (2026, 0.9 Vistas) 0.4 October's update turned off the option to turn the security on (2026, 0.4 Vistas)

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